They say it's good luck if a bird sh*ts on you but this was bad

I owe Rachel Cusk an apology.

painting by Siemon Scamell-Katz

I am in Currys, the electronics chainstore, and the sales assistant, who I thought was going to help me buy a laptop, after my beloved Macbook fell on the floor and died, has decided instead that if I am a writer, as I have reluctantly had to explain that I am, after the “what will you be using the laptop for Madam” chat, that I can help him with the love poem he has written for the tennis champion Pete Sampras. He opens one of the display computers and there the poem is. And not just the poem either. Oh no. There is so much more.