How did it come to this, buying Kim Kardashian shapewear and getting stuck in it?

I have lost a stone without doing any exercise after weeping through a Zoom meeting though.

(Picasso’s ‘Woman in an Armchair’)

No I didn’t think I’d be buying anything with Kim Kardashian’s name on it in an attempt to be sexy in the style that she deems sexy. I did not envisage 2023 ending with me ordering SKIMS shapewear to see how it looked holding my physical form in. Nor did I anticipate that my daughter would be off school sick and in my bed, wide awake, when it arrived, thus dragging her into the mission to yank the stuff onto my midriff.

(I have lost a stone in weight in the last month without doing any exercise - more on which later. So I did not think it would be this damn hard to get the damn things on but here we are.)